Normally, I am not a very emotional person, but these past couple of weeks have really gotten to me. I've been sad, angry, hurt, and crushed. Words can not describe how I have felt. At Shane's grandpa's funeral yesterday, I really thought I was going to loose it. "Papa Towery" as the girls call him, always had a way of making me smile. He had such a sincere and caring heart and as it was mentioned yesterday, he always spoke his mind. I never visited with him and left with him making me laugh at least once. He will be missed, but he has been reunited with his love, Kate, whom is has mourned for the past 9 months and is in no more pain. I can honestly say, I think they had the strangest relationship I have EVER seen, but obvioulsly, it was strong!
Today has been an emotional day as well. I spent most of the day sitting with my Dad, wondering if each breath would be his last. It hurts me so deeply to see him suffering as his is. Due to the medicine, he mumbles a lot, and it is hard to recognize if he really wants something or if he is talking in his sleep. He has been sleeping with his eyes partially open. One moment, I could tell by his face he was upset and crying, and he said, "I will miss ya'll" as plain as it could be said. I held his hand and gently rubbed it and he calmed down. He has blood clots in his lets and a CT scan showed the cancer has spread to his stomach. My Mom and I discussed Hospice today and the nursed contacted them. We had our mind made up to take him there. Keep in mind, for the past few days, we could barely understand a work Daddy has been saying, but Mom said, when Dr. Yee walked into the room tonight, Daddy sat up in the bed, his eyes opened wide, and he told the doctor he was not giving up and he wanted to find another doctor that was willing to give him Chemo. Dr. Yee refuses because he said his body is too weak to handle it. Dr. Yee is sending another doctor in tomorrow. His BP dropped very low again during the night and has been low most of the day. His body is so weak, he can not even turn from his back to his side without someone doing it for him. My Mom and my brother are having a very hard time so Please say a prayer for their stregnth. I also thought it was the right time to let Kelsey & Kaley know what was going on. I explained to them that God may be ready to take Papa soon, but he would no longer be sick and hurting anymore. Kelsey ran to her room, got behind the door, and cried. Kaley put her hands over her ears as if she didn't hear me. Only God knows what tomorrow may bring!
I would like to thank you Kelly, for the card and for your kind and sincere words. It really touched my heart. I know you and your family are going through a difficult time as well, and for you to take the time the write those heartfelt words means more to me than you will ever know! Thank you for reminding me that I do have God with me, and he will get us through this! I love you all and I am blessed to be married into your family!!!